


Livin' Thing (it's a terrible thing to lose)

by melancholymango



Category: Kim Possible (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Major Character Injury, Paralysis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 06:05:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10961244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melancholymango/pseuds/melancholymango
Summary: The summer after Kim's graduation from high school, a terrible accident takes place that leaves her paralyzed from the shoulders down. Struggling to come to terms with reality and admit that her previous active lifestyle may be permanently altered, Kim has to rely on the people in her life entirely for support. Luckily, her girlfriend Shego is around to soften the blow and serve as a shoulder to lean on... but will that be enough?





	Livin' Thing (it's a terrible thing to lose)

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written for wombatking on Tumblr, so you have them to thank for all of the angst you're about to put yourself through.

The heat of mid-summer’s day sun beaming down against her skin, the chorus of her friends cheerily yelling around her, the gentle lap of waves against her ankles… Kim was fairly certain that they’d aced the idea of a perfect post-graduation party. The years of stress from managing school and her many extracurricular activities all felt so menial now that she could refer to it in past tense.

Of course, college would surely be a different story entirely, but it was hard to convince herself to feel intimidated by the unknown right now. It was hard to feel intimidated by anything with such warm, invigorating atmosphere surrounding her. She felt giddy, high on life, and the only thing that could have possibly made it better was sharing it with the people she loved. And, for the most part, that was exactly what she was doing.

Kim frowned slightly, opening her eyes and looking back over her shoulder at the beach. All of her friends, and some people she considered acquaintances at best if she was being honest, were lounging out on the sand or in their respective chairs. A couple guys were seemingly trying to start up a bonfire, while a rather large group of people had headed down the coast to set-up a match of beach volleyball.

Her gaze landed on where Ron and Monique had sat down a few feet away, building what looked to be a sand empire of sorts for Rufus. Even Wade had made the trip out… in digital form, on a video call via Ron’s phone. It was nice, of course, it was exactly what she’d expected from the day and more… yet she couldn’t help but feel the loss of not having _all_ of her close friends present.

Alright, so Kim was missing her girlfriend despite knowing all along that she wouldn’t be able to attend the party, sue her why don’t you? It’s not like it made it any easier knowing that Shego would never be able to come to these types of things, it still sucked royally.

Almost subconsciously, she found herself wandering away from the rest of the group, down the beach in the opposite direction from the rest of the stragglers. A few minutes passed where Kim was entirely wrapped up in her thoughts as she walked, brought out of them only by the clap of a hand against her back. She stumbled, not expecting the impact, and instinctively spun around in a defensive position.

Monique stood there with a sheepish smile plastered across her face, realizing she’d startled Kim with the greeting more than anything else.

“Sorry about that, we were just curious where you were going!” Monique explained, gesturing ahead to where Ron had somehow managed to pass Kim unnoticed. Narrowing her eyes skeptically, Kim watched as Ron continued to prance along the sand barefooted, holding Rufus protectively against his chest while he animatedly rambled on to Wade on their video call.

“I don’t know, I was just exploring.”

“Liar.” Monique accused, though the harsh tone was quickly cancelled out by her following playful laughter as she danced ahead as well. She spun around to face Kim, grabbing her hands and tugging Kim’s stumbling form after her. “You were headed over to check out that docked barge, weren’t you?”

Upon hearing that, Kim finally dug her heels into the sand and looked up to see where she was being led to. Sure enough, there was a barge about twenty feet away from where they were standing, a monstrous beast of a boat docked to the shore. Strangely, considering there wasn’t much for civilization nearby, but perhaps it belonged to one of the locals.

“I didn’t even notice it.” Kim admitted honestly, lifting a hand to scratch curiously at the back of her neck.

“I wonder if the owners are around.” Monique muttered, suddenly lighting up like an idea had struck her. Kim knew that look well enough to know she’d better buckle down and prepare for adventures she hadn’t signed up for. “Let’s go check it out!”

After confirming that Kim was going to follow her on her own, Monique let her go and jogged ahead to inspect the area first. Trailing quietly behind, Kim risked another glance in Ron’s direction to find him wearing seaweed on his head and promptly decided not to invite him along on their impromptu adventure.

“I don’t see anyone.” Kim observed, standing on her tippy-toes and trying to spot anyone on the ship’s surface. Monique nudged an elbow into her side, practically bouncing on the spot with an eagerness to inspect closer.

“Let’s climb on and dive off of it!” It wasn’t that Kim hadn’t been expecting this conclusion, it was pretty much a given from the moment Monique had gone out of her way to drag her over here. It was just that she hadn’t expected so much enthusiasm, brimming and bright just beneath the surface of the suggestion. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that there’d be a lot of disappointment if Kim were to turn her down.

“Yeah?” Kim mused, glancing around once more to make sure no one was around to police their actions. Sighing, she decided to relent and relax a little bit. This was a party after all, they were practically invented for the sake of questionable decisions in the name of making memories and having fun. Besides, she surely had some impressive diving tricks to show off, and what was the point in wasting such an opportunity?

She turned to Monique and grinned, confidence shining through her all of the sudden. “Alright, let’s do it.”

After that it was practically a race to see who could climb aboard the ship fastest, the pair of them scrambling across the metal until they were standing side by side on the surface. They exchanged matching grins, running toward the edge furthest from the shore, where the water looked the darkest.

While Kim shrugged off her shorts to expose the bikini bottoms below, Monique kneeled down at the edge of the barge and leaned precariously over the edge. She looked back up at Kim a moment later, one eyebrow quirked and a heavy frown on her lips.

“Kim, maybe we should wait? What if there are sharks or something down there?” The anxious wobble to her words pretty much gave it away that Monique was having second thoughts about the whole ordeal. Now Kim was energized though, eager to show off her moves and latch onto the distraction from the hollow longing in her chest for someone that couldn’t possibly be there.

“Come on, you’re not gonna chicken out on me now, are you?” Kim teased playfully, though she carefully sat down next to Monique and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. Biting her lip as she searched for a compromise, Kim dipped her toes into the water below. “Look, I’ll go first and show you that nothing bad will happen.”

“Okay.”

With that, Kim got to her feet and began to survey the water below with a smile. This would be easy, she’d probably accomplished more difficult things in her sleep. Of course she’d play it up though, make Monique really jealous that she hadn’t had the guts to go first and show off _her_ mad diving skills.

Kim took a deep breath, stepping closer to the edge and exhaling through her mouth. Just as she braced herself and prepared to dive in, a shrill cry rang out through the air.

“Guys! Get off of that!” Ron screeched, voice cracking intermittently throughout the short demand he was making. Kim’s shoulders slumped downward, her posture annoyed as she turned around to find her best friend teetering at the edge of the shore, trying not to get his feet wet while making sure they didn’t go any further.

“Don’t be such a bore, Ron, you’ve seen the things that girl is capable of firsthand.” Monique huffed back at him, holding onto her usual casual cool effortlessly. Turning away from Ron, she looked back up at Kim and nodded encouragingly. “Go on, Kim! You can do it!”

“I know she _can_ do it, that doesn’t mean she _should_!” Ron argued petulantly, though he was slowly shrinking further away from the water under the pair of harsh glares he’d received. Content that the argument was resolved, Kim forced a smile and looked between them. She would make it all better by pulling some cool stunt, as always.

“Are you guys ready? Give me a countdown!” Kim shouted, stretching her arms high above her head to prepare.

“Three! Two! One!” Monique shouted, Ron joining in last second at the atmosphere began to buzz with positive energy. Kim was grinning like a proper idiot by the time the countdown finished, shifting impatiently from one foot to the other.

“Woo!” She screamed as she dove over the edge, feeling the wind whip at her hair and send it back against her skin. For a brief moment, she felt utterly weightless, like nothing could touch her or get to her ever again. Then she spiralled in the air, sending her limbs flailing outward dramatically as she rolled toward the water’s surface, tucking them back in against her body just in time to cannonball with a giant splash.

The shift in temperature hit her first, much colder than she’d expected the ocean to be this time of the year, but that realization lasted only a second before her weight pushed her down even further and a sharp pain shot through her. She felt the nape of her neck collide with what had to have been one hell of a rock, the thud and vibrations somehow sounding even beneath the water. The ache of it was instant and crippling, her jaw dropping as she cried out in agony, body going tense and sinking further rapidly as the air left her lungs.

Her head felt fuzzy, thoughts blurring together and expanses of time blanking out entirely before she’d tune back in just in time to remember that she was drowning at the moment. Panic would shoot through her, followed by more electric pain shooting through her veins, and then she’d slowly allow the darkness at the edges of her vision to sink inward again.

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed, it was difficult to keep track of specifics when it was all she could do to stay awake and think about anything other than the pain. All she was certain of, was that something was very, very wrong about this particular injury. Her body felt heavy and no matter how determinedly she tried to concentrate on forcing herself to wade through the water, the pressure of it felt suffocating. Like the weight of the world was weighing down on her, she couldn’t move whatsoever.

“Kim!” The cry of her name barely registered to her in the disoriented headspace she found herself in, the word feeling foggy and foreign to her despite the meaning it held. She felt it when the water started to thrash around her, though she didn’t see or even register when arms wrapped around her, too out-of-it to process what was happening.

It wasn’t until who knows how long later, when she came to again and found herself lying flat on the beach surrounded by the entire party’s worth of people, that she realized someone had saved her. If Monique’s soaked clothing was anything to go by, Kim was willing to bet money that it was her who had gotten there first. She looked utterly distraught, face covered in tears and she recounted to one of the other partygoers between sobs.

Kim blinked, opening her mouth to speak only for a bitter cough and a short cry to leave her lips. Ron stiffened beside her, hands flying to her face as he leaned over her to lock eyes. Kim tried to sit up to meet him halfway and save him the trouble, tried to reach out and shove him out of her personal space, tried to do anything at all… but her body still wasn’t cooperating with her.

She still felt tired, so tired.

“KP, talk to me, are you alright?” Ron managed, shuffling closer and attempting to guide her into an upright position. That was a mistake. That was a very, very big mistake. She practically wailed, sobs escaping her lips as she tried to shake her head and immediately concluded that that wouldn’t be happening either. Ron recoiled like he’d been the one to feel the pain, his eyes wide with terror. It was probably the first time he’d ever seen Kim look so utterly helpless.

“Ambulance.” Kim managed to croak out, the pain clouding her thoughts again.

She almost felt thankful that Ron was curled so protectively around her, keeping the rest of the crowd surrounding them at an arm’s distance so she had space to process. What was she processing? She wasn’t sure, only that it couldn’t have been good. In all of her years, with all of the injuries and threats she’d faced, nothing had left the same vile, uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach like this situation had.

“Monique’s already on it.” Ron assured her, shifting to carefully ease his hands away from her body entirely. Initially, it looked like he was tempted to shrink even further away, but he seemed to think better of that and leaned forward to grab her hand. “Stay strong, alright? I know for a fact that you’ve faced worse things than a little accident like this and still came out of the fight on top.”

“Thanks, Ron.” Kim breathed, feeling light-headed once again. The darkness was closing in again, but she simply didn’t have the strength to fight it. If nothing else, at least now she was certain that she’d be kept safe while she was out. She was in good hands and she’d surely been through worse, it’d be okay.

The rest of the day flew by in a blur of sorts, intermittently waking up and going back under before she even had time to register what was going on around her. It was impossible to tell how much time had passed or where she was, only that she wasn’t alone through whatever was happening. That would have to be enough.

When she finally came to enough to register her surroundings, the first thing to greet her was the sound of her parents speaking in hushed voices. Drawing her eyebrows together in concentration, she managed to zero in on the conversation just when it dissolved into broken sobs. That was the red flag she needed to properly wake up, eyes blinking open to find a series of monitors and fluorescent lights staring back at her. This was definitely a hospital, though she could have guessed that much before looking.

As the soft cries began to filter out wherever they were coming from across the room, Kim attempted to sit up. It didn’t work. She furrowed her eyebrows together, wondering if she was hooked up to some sort of machine or covered in casts that would limit her movement that much. It didn’t make sense, but at least she had someone to ask for answers.

She cleared her throat loudly, certain that she’d need to before she’d be able to form words after going so long without speaking. Silence fell over the room instantly, anyone else present surely curious to hear what she had to say.

“What’s the verdict?” Kim managed, trying to keep her tone light despite the panic that was beginning to settle through her each time she tried and failed to move. She tried every limb, finding that she could only shift her facial expression accordingly. It felt like there must have been a cast around her neck that prevented her from even turning her head. That was unlike any injury she’d ever received in the past.

“ _Oh, Kimmie_.” The sympathetic frown her mother let out was anything but comforting in reality, but for the sake of warding off the anxiety she was experiencing, Kim forced a smile anyway. A moment passed before the chair at her bedside creaked with a new occupant, her mother leaning over the edge of the mattress to throw her arms around Kim’s frame in an awkwardly-angled hug.

“We’re both so glad you’re alright.” The voice of her father had Kim looking over her mother’s shoulder to where he stood, smiling down at their embrace. The moment her mother backed away, her father took her place in hugging their daughter. As he pulled away, his soft expression shifted into something more serious. “The doctors have been looking over the x-rays they took, but you were pretty out of it through a lot of that so they decided to just let you rest for a while once they had everything they needed.”

“Dad.” Kim spoke softly, though her tone was blunt in a way that couldn’t be ignored. She would not have him sugarcoating this for her so it was easier for her to swallow, she wanted real answers about what had happened. “I can’t move my arms.”

“We know, sweetie.” Her mother chimed in, her voice noticeably cracking like it pained her to utter the words. That wasn’t a good sign. Kim looked to her father, eyes wide and expectant. He hesitated, before sighing and looking down at his feet.

“You’ve broken your neck, as well as injured your spinal cord at the C4 vertebrae.” He stated flatly, looking back up a long moment later to study Kim’s face for a reaction. He found none. She was staring blankly back at him, struggling to process what she’d just been told and what it might have meant.

“English, maybe?” She tried, tacking a laugh onto the end. The mood had been seriously dampened after her father said that, given the way her mother had reacted. Kim just wanted them to smile, to stop taking something so familiar so seriously. She’d been in and out of the hospital countless times before.

This time, her father hesitated before speaking even more than the last. He seemed to understand that Kim needed to know though, so he determinedly pushed himself through it for her sake.

“You’ve been diagnosed as a quadriplegic… totally paralyzed from the shoulders down.” Her father clarified reluctantly, practically wincing away as he spoke the words.

Kim blinked. The words dawning on her slowly, her mind going back over them one by one, the speed agonizingly slow so she could really dwell on what that meant. Paralyzed. It was never something she’d considered before, even with her risky line of work. Worst case scenario, she’d always imagined going down in a blaze of glory, it was either utter failure or success. Death had always been the intimidating playing card on the table, but even that was respectable. To die a hero was far from the worst way to go.

But this… this lacked any glory whatsoever.

“P-Permanently?” Kim squeaked out, her breathing increasing to a startling pace. She figured at least one of the monitors hooked up to her had to have been monitoring that, so she tried her very hardest to keep her breaths even so they wouldn’t get any unwanted visitors checking in. It was so hard though, so very difficult to even pretend to feel okay after receiving the worst news of her entire life.

“Well, of course there have been miracle stories in the past, but-” Her father stuttered over his words, growing increasingly more uncomfortable with each second that passed. He didn’t even get the chance to finish speaking before her mother interjected though, jumping up and blinking the tears away from her eyes.

“But we don’t know enough yet to make a call one way or the other, right?” She asked, turning to suit her husband with a rather stern glare. He shrunk back, nodding his head in agreement, though he didn’t look entirely convinced. Turning back to Kim, her mother smiled widely. “We’re going to do everything we can to get you the best possible rehabilitation therapy we can. Who knows what could happen, but in the meantime I want you to try and prepare yourself for any outcome, okay?”

Kim nodded her head, though already it was swimming with new thoughts. If there was even a tiny shred of possibility toward a better outcome, then surely she would manage to achieve that. Her entire life was built on succeeding against seemingly impossible odds, this wouldn’t be the first or the last challenge she’d faced.

“Yeah, I will.” Kim deadpanned, already feeling antsy with the need to start working toward her newfound goal. “So, when does therapy start?”

Her parents jerked backward with matching shocked expressions, clearly caught off guard by the total turnaround in outlook. Kim grinned, glad that she’d finally managed to chase that sullen look from their faces. This was better, more like what she was used to.

“How about you give yourself a minute to rest first, huh?”

“The doctors wanna monitor you and give your body a chance to start recovering before we start trying to push anything on it again.”

“Don’t you have an estimate?” Kim urged, trying once again to lift her arms for emphasis. With a bitter scowl, she gave up on the effort and simply put her all into directing a convincing pout at the pair of them.

“Just try to take things one day at a time, Kimmie.” Her mother pleaded with her, reaching out to brush the hair away from Kim’s eyes. Sighing softly, she scooted her chair closer to her daughter’s bedside. “How are you feeling?”

“Like my being is composed of 90% painkillers and I’d rather be anywhere but here.” Kim huffed, her tone only half sarcastic. Now that she knew there was a chance, there was no way she was about to give up and simply settle for lying there in bed all the time. Every second wasted doing that was one she could use to start getting better and recovering.

“Ha-ha.”

“I’m not kidding, Wade was just starting to piece together some really important information on a case we’ve been trying to crack for weeks now and I-”

“And you will be right here caring for your injuries, regardless of what Wade is doing.” Her father interrupted, narrowing his eyes at Kim like he expected her to get up and run away anyway just to spite him. Not that she could do that anymore, but in the past she probably would have. She settled for glaring back at him, even going so far as to stick her tongue out at him when he refused to drop it and look away. “The rest of the world can wait, you need to put yourself first right now.”

“Crime doesn’t wait for the sake of the hero's convenience.”

“There’s a lot more than your convenience at stake here.” Her father challenged, turning and walking off toward the door. Her mother rose to her feet too, glancing down at the phone in her hands. After noticing that Kim was staring at her, she turned the phone to show off the slew of text notifications on the screen.

“Can we send Ron in? He’s been texting us every two minutes asking if you’re awake.”

“Yeah, go ahead.” Kim chuckled, hopeful that maybe her best friend would take some of the stress out of the situation. He had a tendency to do that, turn everything into a joke even at the worst of times. Right now though, she could really use an excuse to laugh and let loose a little bit.

Yet, when he came rushing into the room and her parents slipped out to find a doctor to talk to about what Kim could eat, Ron didn’t look like he had any intentions of making jokes. He looked frantic, hair a mess and face glossy with nervous sweat. Even Rufus looked more upset than Kim had ever seen him before, laying limp sprawled out over Ron’s shoulder.

Ron stopped at her bedside, spinning the chair around and sitting on it backwards. He rested his chin on the back of it, eyes noticeably wet as he raked them over Kim’s bed-ridden frame beneath the sheets.

“Oh, Kim, I am so sorry.” He blurted out, voice cracking far worse than her mother’s had while outright sobbing. Ron shook his head back and forth, willing away tears of his own as he struggled to get more words out. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times before eventually managing to calm himself down enough to speak. Though, with each word that hurriedly left his lips, he started to grow more and more panicked all over again. “This is all my fault. I knew you were doing something stupid and making a mistake, I should have tried harder to get you to listen to me! What’s wrong with me?!”

“Ron, calm down!” Kim cried, wishing once again that she could jump up and playfully smack some sense into him. Yet, there she lay, unable to move or do much of anything to prevent his obvious breakdown. “It’s not the end of the world. I’ve had bad injuries before, I break bones all the time in my line of work. It’s nothing to beat yourself up over.”

His nervous jittering came to an abrupt stop, eyes comically wide as he slowly looked up again to meet Kim’s gaze. He bit his lips, clearly cautious about finding the right words. That was unlike him.

“Didn’t they… tell you the diagnosis?” It hit Kim like a moving train, the careful way he asked the question like she needed to be babied through it. Kim grit her teeth together in frustration, wishing more than anything that she could do something to show everyone that she would be alright and all the precautions weren’t necessary.

“Yeah, but I’m not gonna let some big words intimidate me into giving up hope.” Kim insisted, hoping her voice wouldn’t give away how annoyed she was with Ron for even doubting this to start with. He was her partner, he’d seen her conquer things far worse than that day in and day out. If he had doubts in her now, what did that say about the odds? “I’m Kim Possible, right? If there’s one thing I excel at, it’s beating the odds no matter how highly they’re stacked against me. Have a little faith, I got this.”

“I guess if you’re confident, I’ll be confident too.” Ron agreed, though he sounded about as convinced as Kim’s father had earlier. He looked down at his lap, seemingly deep in thought. Finally his face lit up, like he’d had a great idea on how to lighten the mood as Kim had hoped he would from the very beginning. “Bonnie was so scared for you that she started crying when the ambulance pulled up!”

“Really? No way.”

“Really.” Ron confirmed, nodding his head so eagerly that Rufus nearly slid off of his shoulder perch entirely. It wasn’t enough to lift the weight of the world from Kim’s shoulders, but if nothing else it served as a distraction for the time being. That’s all she could have right now, distractions until she eventually started therapy and then eventually got back on her feet.

The rest of the evening passed quickly, mostly with doctors bustling in and out of the room and telling her more information whenever they saw fit. It was belittling, not being able to move or do anything for herself. Already it was wearing on her, not being able to do anything whatsoever for herself and needing help just to do simple tasks. She couldn’t imagine living like this for the rest of her life, though she was determined to believe that she wouldn’t have to.

Later that night, when her friends and family had long since gone home and the moon was shining high in the sky, Kim finally allowed herself to address the niggling feeling of doubt in her chest. Of course she realized there was a chance she wouldn’t succeed, it would haunt her during lonely nights like this one. She would smother it was as many layers of denial as it took, but it was inevitable that it would catch up to her at times like this, when nothing was there to take her mind off of her own thoughts.

She wouldn’t admit defeat, no matter how tauntingly it was being waved in front of her face. It had always worked for her in the past to just blindly believe and allow things to take their course.

During her mental conversation with herself, a back and forth bickering debate where she tried to decide between doubt or denial, a noise from the opposite wall of the room drew her from her thoughts. Kim blinked warily, her nerves running on high as she thought about all the possible threats in the world and what an easy target she would be right now. She couldn’t even move to defend herself, practically a sitting duck.

Unable to do much else, Kim stayed perfectly still, save for her eyes that tracked every shift and shadow across the room. As she watched the shape of a person come into view on the other side of the curtains surrounding her bed, she prepared herself to yell for help. Demeaning as it was to turn to someone else, she wasn’t about to let whoever this was kick her while she was down.

Yet no movement followed, suddenly the room was so still and lifeless that Kim had to wonder if she’d imagined the whole thing. She sighed softly, deciding that she didn’t have much choice but to prompt a reaction.

“Hello? Is someone there?” She called quietly, not wanting to alert anyone outside of her room that she was speaking.

“You should be asleep, you need your rest right now.” The reply came instantly, though not from the side of the room the window was on. Kim slowly shifted her gaze to face the opposite side of her bed, where a pair of familiar green eyes were blinking back at her. Kim had long ago stopped questioning how Shego managed to sneak around so effortlessly, but even this was a stretch. She hadn’t even noticed the other girl settle in the chair at her bedside.

“Shego.” Kim breathed in greeting, confusion evident in her voice. Her girlfriend looked tired, though that wasn’t necessarily out of the ordinary considering the job and hours that she worked. Still, there was something off about Shego tonight, and Kim had a hunch that it had a lot to do with her injury even if she had no idea how Shego knew anything about it. Everyone had been treating her differently since, like they were walking on eggshells around her to avoid saying or doing the wrong thing. Kim hated it. “What are you doing here?”

“The imbecile texted me and filled me in on the situation.” Shego explained, the fact that she was referring to Ron going without saying at this point. Kim nodded slowly, relaxing her head back against the pillows and allowing the tension to drain out of her as much as possible. It wasn’t a threat at least, but it felt weird being around Shego like this. She felt so pathetic and helpless, nothing at all like the person she wanted her girlfriend to see her as. “How are you feeling?”

“Better now that you’re here.” Kim answered, cracking a sheepish smile at her own half-hearted attempt at flirting. Shego gave a fond sigh in answer, shaking her head like she couldn’t believe Kim was joking at a time like this.

“Cheesy.” Shego declared decidedly, though even as she criticized Kim, she was moving closer. She leaned over the edge of the bed, settling her hand over Kim’s and squeezing it softly. Her eyes were downcast, staring at the cast on Kim’s neck. “I wish I could have been here sooner.”

“Why is everyone acting like that?” Kim huffed defensively, eyeing Shego all the while. Her girlfriend backed off immediately, her eyes wide and cautious as she tried to study Kim’s expression for the answers she was after. Not long later, she relented and realized the only way she would be getting an explanation would be asking for one. _Finally_ , Kim thought, wishing everyone else had reached the conclusion that talking to her like an actual human rather than a wounded animal was the best way to get answers.

“Like what?”

“Like I’m dying or something.” Kim muttered bitterly, like the mere idea of it was ludicrous. Shego stared at her like she’d uttered the dirtiest word in the books and worse, the expression alone enough to make Kim wish she’d been a bit more suave about it. It wasn’t just Shego acting like this after all, there was no sense in taking out all of her frustration on just her girlfriend. “It’s not a big deal. I’m alright, they’re telling me I’m practically guaranteed to live through this. What’s all the fuss about?”

If nothing else, at least Shego seemed to consider what she was saying. The recognition flashing in her eyes didn’t last long though, soon replaced by that same bitter self-loathing that Kim had seen there so many times before.

“I should have been here sooner.” Shego hissed, looking so angry with herself that Kim couldn’t help but remember the times when Shego had looked at her with that same fierceness. Kim was unsure what to say or how to explain that she understood, that she would never hold it against her that she hadn’t been there. It was difficult to say much of anything at all after seeing Shego like that. “I should have been there to make sure this didn’t happen.”

“You’re not my guardian, I’m perfectly capable of looking out for myself.” Kim argued, stumbling over her words slightly. Shego looked up, eyes much darker and colder than they’d been even a moment beforehand. Even knowing that it wasn’t really directed at her, Kim felt uneasy and confronted. The urge to fight back was still there, though now her body wouldn’t be able to step up to the plate.

“Are you?!” Immediately, as soon as the words left her lips in a seething hiss, Shego seemed to realize her mistake and backtrack. Apologetically, she brought her hands to Kim’s arms and started to rub them comfortingly. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

“God, you crawled out of the wrong evil lair tonight.” Kim grumbled, though she struggled to stay angry with her girlfriend. They’d been dating long enough for Kim to know that she would never intentionally try to hurt her, that whenever she felt inadequate or confronted herself she would lash out. Usually at others, but very rarely she would verbally berate herself and criticize her own actions. In ways, that was almost worse to watch, especially knowing that every time Shego lashed out at others it was only because she was _thinking_ these things about herself.

Taking a deep breath to calm herself, Kim decided to approach the conversation with a more level-head than before. “What’s got you so cranky, huh? Bad day at work?”

“I’m tired of being the last person in your life.” Shego sighed, completely bypassing the easy mood Kim was attempting to introducing, speaking in the same heavy tone from before. “The last person to comfort you, the last person to congratulate you, the last to hear about your day. I should be here sooner when things like this happen. Hell, by default I should _be here_... but I’m always somewhere else.”

“You’re a wanted criminal, Shego, it’s not like you can parade me down Main Street.” Kim mumbled, caught somewhere between trying to comfort Shego and defend her own independence. Of course she was flattered that Shego wanted to be around more, but if it was solely to keep bad things from happening to her then Kim wanted no part of it. She had looked out for herself just fine up until this point, she could continue to.

Seeing the pain flit across Shego’s features when she realized that she’d messed up and offended Kim again was enough to warrant reconsideration. Kim forced a smile, deciding to put her pride on the backburner for a change. “Look, I’m fine with the way things are. I knew what I was signing up for when this thing started between us, you would know if I’d changed my mind about it.”

“And if I’ve changed my mind?” Though she didn’t sound bitter whatsoever, Kim jumped to conclusions in record time considering the topic.

“Are you breaking up with me right now? Talk about shitty timing.”

“No, that’s not-” Shego rushed to explain herself, only to seemingly come up short and trail off with a frustrated huff. She wasn’t so good at this communication stuff, it was new to her to be in a healthy relationship after so long harboring friendships with the least trustworthy and considerate people around. “That’s the opposite of what I’m saying.”

“That’s… annoyingly vague.” Kim concluded, deciding that pushing her when she was already out of her comfort zone probably wasn’t a wise move. Shego relaxed slightly when she realized she wouldn’t have to explain herself specifically, her hands trailing upward to cup Kim’s jaw. Her thumb ran along the other girl’s cheekbone, tracing over her skin with barely enough force to be felt.

“You know I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“I do.” Kim agreed, smiling widely as Shego leaned down to brush their lips together. It wasn’t a particularly passionate kiss, but it was emotional. What she couldn’t properly express with words, Shego always made sure to show through their embraces and the little gestures she made. Kim knew that she was cared for deeply and she hoped Shego felt the same.

“I love you.” Shego breathed, pulling back to lean their foreheads gently together. “I want to be here for you through this.”

“There you go again, making a big deal out of nothing.” Kim giggled, wishing more than anything that she could just sit up and chase after Shego when the other girl pulled away further. “All of this is temporary, I’ll ace my physical therapy and then I’ll be back on my feet in no time.”

“I’ll be here no matter what happens.” Shego insisted, settling back into her chair from before and indifferently picking a magazine off of the bedside table. Kim rolled her eyes, though she couldn’t wipe the smile from her face.

“You know I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She concluded finally, allowing her eyes to finally flutter closed. “I love you too.”

\--

The next few weeks were difficult, to say the least. It wasn’t physically tiring as much as it was mentally, the process of constantly being hauled around and treated like a living doll. Kim couldn’t do anything for herself no matter how she tried. There were a few therapy sessions in the beginning where she was expected to just sit there and explain how she felt, those were the worst.

Weeks went by again and with it the end of summer, all of her friends were preparing to go off for college and she was stuck trying to re-learn how to use her body. It sucked. It sucked knowing they were doing the things she should have been, it sucked watching other patients improve before her eyes while she stayed dormant and knowing they were doing the things she should have been. She often wondered if she was doing anything at all. It really didn’t feel like it when she couldn’t move whatsoever without help.

Then, after what felt like years, they allowed her to start trying physical therapy to see if she’d ever be able to walk again. It had only been months in actuality, three to be exact. Her halo brace had finally come off and she could move her neck again, if only to turn her head from one side to the other. It wasn’t much, but after that long with absolutely no movement, it made worlds of difference and brought back her confidence.

She would get better. She had to. And now she was able to attend physical therapy so she actually had a shot at it.

At first, she was rearing to go. She’d show up early after begging her parents or her nurses to take her, then determinedly continue pushing the doctor to keep trying new things with her and giving her more time to attempt them. Her energy started to subside a little bit with each session she attended only to go without results, but she clung to her belief that eventually the difficult times would let up. They always had before.

“How are we feeling today, Kim?” Dr. Spencer greeted as her parents pushed her wheelchair into the room, chatting idly behind her. Kim brightened up slightly as she looked around the physical therapy room, already debating which station to try today and what might make her the most progress.

“Ready to roll, as always.” She responded a moment later, looking back to the doctor and grinning.

“Yes, that does seem to be your default setting.” The doctor laughed, his eyes lighting up fondly as he looked down at his patient. He gestured for her parents to go sit down while he took over and they listened, leaving Kim in his hands as he wheeled her chair across the room. “Well, let’s get started, shall we?”

Today went the same as most days. Which is to say, it didn’t go at all. There wasn’t any progress made, no matter how Kim pushed and pleaded with her body to just do something already. Each station and machine they tried, Kim was left without results and without anything to encourage her to keep trying. She grew frustrated with each failure, trying to push herself harder and only succeeding in making herself feel light-headed. Her doctor picked up on this, somehow he always did, and moved to help her back into her chair.

“I’m sorry.” Kim sighed pitifully, wishing more than anything that she could just crumble in on herself and even weep properly again. As it was, she was left trying to hide behind her bangs and will the tears to leave before anyone noticed. Her doctor suited her with another one of those pitying looks that she received so often now and she felt like her heart had been dealt a physical blow.

“It’s alright, how about we call it a day and tomorrow we’ll try-”

“No!” She blurted insistently, though it came out as something akin to a plead no matter how confident she tried to sound. She shook her head slightly, biting her lip. “I want to keep going.”

“Kimmie, come on, I’m sure Dr. Spencer has other patients to see.” Kim tensed, realizing her parents had noticed the altercation and came over to intervene. They always did that now, acted like Kim was a child to be looked after rather than the practical adult she’d been mere months ago. Everything had changed, but mostly the way people around her treated her. She was no longer the capable hero she’d once been, the type of person that everyone respected and looked up to. She was pathetic, something to be looked after and looked down on.

“I don’t care!” She cried, finally allowing herself to dissolve into broken sobs as her parents insistently apologized to the doctor then started wheeling her away. On good days, where she somehow managed to keep her confidence throughout the entire failed training session, her parents would wheel her down to the cafeteria and they’d celebrate. Today was a bad day, the type of day where they’d take her straight back to her room and struggle to comfort her, only to eventually realize they were at a loss for what to do and leave.

Kim wished they would skip that step today and just leave now, she didn’t want to look at anyone or have anyone else look at her right now. She felt like an utter failure.

Once they were back in her room with the door shut behind them and Kim carefully helped into bed, she resolved to ignore her parents entirely. It couldn’t last long, if she acted out too badly they might do something awful like call a therapist back into her regular life and she didn’t want that to happen. She just wanted to make a point, that she was a person and not a living injury to be cared for.

“Kim.” Her father spoke a long time later, after silence had enveloped the room for nearly half an hour. Her parents had been reading from their respective books, sitting in their respective chairs, ignoring her the same way she ignored them. Or maybe they just didn’t know how to approach conversation when she was so clearly trying to avoid it, but it didn’t matter. The point was that they weren’t talking and that had been exactly what Kim wanted, but now they wanted to speak to her.

“What?!” She snapped back, perhaps a bit more harshly than she’d intended, but she’d never admit that. She was really starting to understand why Shego lashed out whenever her emotions grew overwhelming, considering Kim’s emotions had felt overwhelming every second since that godawful accident that caused all of this.

“I think it’s time we start looking into other ways to move forward from here.” Her father spoke, his tone earnest and approachable, but final. Everything he said these days seemed final, like what he said was simply the way to go. Kim didn’t have the option to weigh in, her input wasn’t treated like input as much as protests.

“I’m not sure if you missed the memo, Dad, but I _can’t_ move.” Kim replied bitterly, though the way her voice seemed to waver beneath the words gave away how much that fact truly hurt her. It dug deep, every single time she had to acknowledge how incapable she was of doing anything she’d once loved to do.

“We’ve been talking with Dr. Spencer, going over our options and such...” Her father trailed off quietly, sighing dismally like he was at a loss for how to deliver this next bit without receiving a negative reaction. He did that a lot lately, probably because most of Kim’s reactions were blatantly negative now. “Did you know there’s a type of wheelchair you can control by blowing into a straw? Isn’t that cool?”

“What are you saying?” Kim asked, though of course she knew exactly what he was saying. They had implied it a few times before, brought it up in casual conversation only to be immediately shot down on the idea. This conversation wasn’t casual, it felt a lot more one-sided than most.

“Kimmie, baby, you said it yourself.” Her mother coaxed, trying to comfort Kim without backing down from what she wanted. It was very clear that she was struggling to do so. “It’s been weeks without progress. I’m not saying we give up on your therapy altogether, we can keep going. I just think it’d be wise to start opening yourself up to other options, just in case.”

“No.” Kim argued petulantly, shooting a glare in both of their directions. It was the first time she’d looked at them since getting back to the room. “I don’t need a permanent wheelchair, _Mom_ , I just need more time.”

“We’ve already talked to the doctor about it and we want you to try it, at least get used to the controls so you can have a little bit of your independence back for the time being.”

“Fine.” Kim grumbled, her voice so quiet she wasn’t sure if her parents would be able to hear it. Not that it mattered really, it seemed that her approval or disapproval didn’t have much of an impact on this particular decision… or any decision.

Silence engulfed the room again after that, though Kim was not adverse to the lack of conversation in the slightest. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to hold a steady voice or anything close to eye contact with how she felt in that moment. Never in her life had she been angrier, not at her parents, not at the circumstances, not at herself. It was a heated kind-of fury, lapping at her insides and making her so utterly disappointed with the world as a whole that it was hard to think. It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair.

Her parents didn’t try to talk to her again after that, somehow managing to read her body language despite the fact Kim couldn’t even use her body. It was almost like she put off an aura of sadness into the room that any person in their right mind would be hesitant to try challenging. A newly-developed defense mechanism to get people to leave her alone when she couldn’t physically escape them, possibly.

“Well, we’re going to head home for the night. You know how to reach us if you need anything.” Kim nodded, though she didn’t turn to look at them or acknowledge her parents whatsoever as they left the room. If it was a good day, her mother probably would have kissed her cheek before leaving and her father might have grabbed her something out of the vending machine to snack on before they went, but it wasn’t a good day.

It was a bad day. And on bad days, they just left. There were no warm farewells, Kim didn’t doubt that they avoided looking her in the eye the same way she avoided looking at them. If this didn’t feel like her life anymore, which it didn’t, then by default she probably didn’t feel like their daughter anymore either. Sometimes, when she was at her worst, she’d wonder if they came to see her and help her because they wanted to, or because they were obligated to.

She knew her parents loved her, they’d never given her any reason to doubt that. It was just hard, hard to think around the massive negativity that seemed to have taken up tangible form somewhere in her chest. It was also hard to breathe, or eat, or do anything other than just feel the bad feelings when they came. She wasn’t sure anyone could help even if they dared to stick around and try to challenge it.

“You shouldn’t be so hard on them, they’re trying.” If Kim was capable of it, she might have jumped at the sound of Shego’s voice ringing out in the previously empty space of her room. Instead she simply laid there, bitterness seeping through her as she realized she still wasn’t allowed the liberty of enough independence to grieve privately.

“Badly.” Kim snapped, blinking away tears just as Shego came into view at her bedside. Indifferent toward the chocolate bar offering that was placed on her bedside table, Kim determinedly stared toward the ceiling and refused to look at her girlfriend as she spoke. She spiralled off onto a rant, convinced that if she kept talking she wouldn’t have to think or talk about the things she couldn’t bear to think about. “What kind of lunatic would jump to that conclusion?! Sure, progress is slow, that doesn’t mean it’s nonexistent. What if the day after I give up therapy would have been the day I made a breakthrough? I can’t risk that.”

“They’re not asking you to give up, they’re asking you to open yourself up to every possible recovery method there is.” Shego challenged gently, clearly putting a great deal of effort into making sure she didn’t offend Kim. Kim was offended. She couldn’t tell if she was offended that Shego wasn’t taking her side in the first place, or that her girlfriend was doing the same as everyone else and treating her like a baby incapable of facing reality.

“Resigning myself to being like this forever isn’t recovery, Shego, it’s defeat.” Kim growled, trying her best to keep from shouting. Not for the sake of getting her point across or being understanding with her girlfriend, those were concerns that would cross her mind much, much later when Kim was thinking back on this with regret. No, she was trying not to shout solely because she didn’t want anyone else to come into the room and interrupt her. “Kim Possible never admits defeat, she never gives up. Who would I be if I started today? You’re just as bad as them, you know, it’s like you don’t even think about what you’re saying!”

Maybe it was because Shego had a fire in her that burned specifically for the instances where other people decided to challenge her, or maybe their history itself played a part in it, but there was something that very obviously didn’t settle right with Shego as Kim lashed out at her for the first time. Even when they’d been enemies on opposite playing fields, Kim had respected her, hadn’t patronized her like anything she said was irrelevant by default. Nevermind that Kim was blind with grief and not thinking straight, Shego was mad.

“It’s not _defeat_ , it’s being realistic.” Shego huffed, jumping to her feet effortlessly and holding her chin high in the air. “You should try it sometime.”

“You should go.” Kim managed, following Shego with her eyes as her girlfriend started easily toward the window she usually climbed in through. There was jealousy mixed in with all of her other pitiful emotions now, a longing to be able to just get up and leave when she saw it fit.

On good days, Kim’s parents would carefully say goodbye to her and make sure she knew that she was loved before they left.

On bad days, they would awkwardly shuffle out of the room, sometimes risking it and saying they loved Kim only to go without a response.

On the worst days, it seemed that even Shego wasn’t willing to stick around and put up with the ongoing unwanted chore that was looking after Kim. Or, rather, the shell of what used to be Kim, because this living corpse didn’t feel anything close to what she’d once been.

\--

A few weeks passed like that, Kim’s mood slowly worsening rather than getting better. Everyone in her life seemed to be at a loss as to what to do. Her parents would come by and just sit in her room reading for a few hours before going home again. Ron would stop by and try to cheer her up to no avail, making a fool out of himself without even earning a faint smile in response. Monique stopped by to fill her in on everything that had happened since she’d started college and Kim could hardly look at her without crying.

Then there was Shego, who hadn’t talked to her since their fight. She’d been back, of course, like clockwork each night. She climbed through the window exactly as she always had, except now she didn’t approach or try to make conversation. She just sat in the window pane, sometimes playing around on her phone, usually just staring out into the nighttime city landscape below them.

Today was the first day since their fight that Kim was actually leaving the bed for more than a simple task or her physical therapy (which was mostly dedicated to learning how to drive her new sip n’ puff wheelchair). One of the nurses had talked to her this morning about a new therapy that Dr. Spencer wanted to try with her and it was the first glimmer of hope Kim had found in days. She had decided to latch onto it with all she had, of course, as she was running out of other options.

Her parents were acting weird, even more careful with her than usual as they got her ready to go see the doctor. It was almost like when adults would spell out words around kids so the kids wouldn’t know what they were talking about, except her parents spoke in expressions alone and Kim was infuriated that she couldn’t decode any of it. She decided not to let it get to her though, putting her all into believing that things would change today with whatever the doctor had waiting for her.

Kim convinced her parents to take her a few minutes early, waiting outside Dr. Spencer’s private office curiously. There wasn’t much room in such a small space for physical therapy, which led her to believe that today he would just be explaining what would be happening. Every now and then she would risk glances in her parents’ direction, finding their expressions unreadable.

Finally, Kim got the okay to wheel herself into the office. She wasn’t a pro at handling her new wheelchair yet, but the more she did it the easier it became.

Curiously, Dr. Spencer wasn’t the only person sitting at the big desk inside, but rather another familiar doctor was there too. Kim recognized this woman immediately, paling as she recalled the therapy sessions she’d been forced to attend in the beginning where she’d been expected to pour her heart out to a stranger.

“Well, aren’t you as eager as ever?” Dr. Spencer laughed, pointing toward the clock on the wall to emphasize how early she was. Kim nodded distractedly, though questions were already whirring in her head and demanding to be asked.

“Where is it?” She blurted finally, as soon as her parents had settled into the seats on either side of her wheelchair.

“Hm?”

“You said you had a new type of therapy for me to try, I assumed that’s why we were going to your office instead of the-”

“Ah, yes.” Dr. Spencer sighed, his usual cheery expression shifting into something intimidatingly serious. It was discouraging. “Kim, I know you don’t think you’ve been making progress, but you have. You may not be walking, you may not ever walk, but I think we’ve leaped over mental hurdles taller than your head. I think you just needed to see it to believe it.”

“Believe w-what?” Kim managed to squeak out, though it was hard to speak around the lump forming in her throat the more she thought about what her doctor had just said. Where was the encouragement he always offered her? The cheeriness that told her that anything was possible if she kept working? Why was he telling her that she might not ever walk again? Surely he knew how much that killed her to hear.

“That this injury isn’t one you can put a bandage on and carry on exactly as before.” Dr. Spencer explained kindly, smiling at her as he drove the final nail into the coffin sealing her fate. “That new kind of therapy I brought up?”

“Y-Yeah?” Kim felt sick to her stomach. She was already all too aware of exactly what was happening here, it didn’t take a genius to piece the situation together.

“This is Dr. Michaels, she is a licensed psychologist. You’ve had a few meetings with her before, mostly in the beginning, but I want you to start seeing her on a weekly basis after your discharge from the hospital.”

“You’re sending me home?” Kim managed, looking between her parents with pleading eyes. They looked encouraging, like they were trying to convince her with patronizing fake smiles alone that this was the best option for her.

“Yes!” Dr. Spencer cheered, immediately realizing that the rest of the room wasn’t on the same page that he was on. He frowned, tapping his fingers against his desk. “Aren’t you excited?”

“N-No.” Kim shook her head hurriedly, taking a deep breath and squeezing her eyes shut to prevent tears from falling. She opened them again a moment later, focusing a steely gaze on the doctor she’d once trusted so well. “I can’t walk. I’m not going home until I’m all better, that’s how hospitals work.”

“Kim, may I offer some input?” Dr. Michaels spoke up, her voice far too kind considering how badly Kim wanted to despise her without reason. “I know this will be hard on you, especially with what a physically active lifestyle you’ve always led. This doesn’t have to be the end of that, you can still get out and see the world, you’re just going to have to shift your perspective on it. I am confident that with my help, we can get you to a place where you’ll be confident in yourself again.”

After that, the meeting went smoothly. Mostly because Kim didn’t have the energy to argue anymore. She allowed her parents to do the talking for her, retreating back inside of her mind and wallowing in misery even worse than what she’d been experiencing ever since her fight with Shego.

The day flew by, between packing up her things and packing her away into the backseat of their family van. Her parents were in good spirits, clearly thrilled to have her coming home. Normally, Kim would have been worried about raining on their parade with her bad mood, but she just didn’t have it in her to care right now. She would never walk again, ever.

“Let’s get you home, huh?” Her mother beamed, sliding into the driver’s seat and flipping up the sun visor for a better view of the road. Kim leaned back in her seat, casting a longing glance toward the hospital and bidding farewell to any hope she’d had left that someday she could be normal once again. “Your brothers are dying to have you back, they have been fighting more than ever and I think it’s due to your absence more than anything else going o-”

“Honey.” Her father spoke up and cut his wife off, nudging his head in Kim’s direction. Her mother looked back at her as she started the car up, noticing the way Kim was staring determinedly off into space and not listening to a word. “Your room is exactly as you left it, we haven’t even been in to dust.”

“We might have to come in to dust once we get home, but you’ll probably need our help getting up the stairs anyway so-” Her mother cut herself off again, picking up on the way Kim’s frown deepened impossibly further at the thought of being carried to her room. That would be happening forever now, Kim reminded herself, she’d better get used to it.

The moment her parents helped her through the door, the tweebs were upon them. Her younger twin brothers practically flew down the stairs, both exclaiming various things and trying to speak over one another. Finally, they both happened to say the same thing at the same time, so the words were actually intelligible.

“Kim! You’re home!” They both cried excitedly, bounding up to her wheelchair. Kim pulled a distressed face and her father stepped in just in time to keep them from hug-attacking her into next week.

“Boys.” He spoke with a chastising tone, shaking his head at them. “Kimmie is really tired right now, how about we save the reunion for tomorrow morning?”

“Fine.” They both sighed, turning and sulking into the kitchen in unison. Kim stared after them, feeling distanced from the entire exchange. More than anything, she just wanted to get into bed and have a good cry, then sleep and wake up to have this all be an awful nightmare. That would have been ideal, albeit farfetched as it was.

Instead, she had to be lifted out of her wheelchair and carried up the stairs to the bathroom. She needed help sitting on the toilet, brushing her teeth, and working the tangles out of her hair because she couldn’t do any of it. Even getting into her own bed was a task beyond what she was capable of doing, reducing her to feeling like a helpless child.

She stared off into space through it all, barely cooperating even though she knew that she should be thankful for all the help. It was too hard, to acknowledge that this truly was her life from now on. It didn’t feel real, she didn’t want it to be real.

“Anything we can do to make it better?” Her mother asked as she tucked her into bed, all sweet smiles and sympathetic eyes. Kim looked away, unable to hold her gaze for longer than a few seconds at a time.

“I want to go home.” She whispered to no one in particular, though the emotion behind the words seemed staggering even to her own ears.

“You are home, sweetie.”

“I don’t know where I am, but this isn’t my life.” Kim managed weakly, taking a deep breath and determinedly closing her eyes to end the conversation. She didn’t really have any other means of walking away from it when she wanted to, so she simply closed off inside of herself now.

“You’ll feel better in the morning, it’ll just take some getting used to.” Her mother assured her, patting her on the arm and leaning down to kiss her forehead. Kim squeezed her eyes shut even tighter, gritting her teeth together until the very second she heard the door click shut behind her parents and she was left alone. Instantly, tears started to spill from her eyes no matter how hard she tried to keep them shut.

Call her negative, but Kim was pretty damn convinced that she wouldn’t feel any better when morning came around. Right now, it felt like it’d be a wonder if she even made it to see the morning light when it felt like she was facing the end of her life as she knew it. She sobbed brokenly, unable to hug herself or move to wipe her own tears away.

Weakly, without lifting her head or even lifting her head to check, she cleared her throat and called out.

“Shego?” In an instant, a shadow shifted from one side of the room and settled beside her on the edge of the mattress. A hand gripped hers while the other moved to swipe at her face, cradling her cheek.

“I’m here.” Shego assured her, her own voice noticeably raspy like she’d been crying as well. It was difficult to tell in the dark room and Kim had never known Shego to be an easy crier, but this had to have been hard on the both of them. “I’m right here, I promise.”

“I can’t do this.” Kim whimpered, thankful when Shego didn’t have to be told to come closer and did so naturally. She laid down beside Kim, shuffling to cuddle up next to her. Considering it was probably the only thing she could do, Kim dropped her head onto Shego’s shoulder and began to cry into her collarbone instead.

“You haven’t even tried yet.” Shego managed weakly, gripping Kim closely and trying her absolute hardest to sound optimistic. “You’re gonna be alright, I’ll be here to help you.”

Minutes passed by and eventually the sobs filtered out into quiet distressed whimpers, eventually silencing altogether as Kim’s eyelids grew heavy and her thoughts slurred together. She nuzzled her head closer to her girlfriend, feeling the way Shego stiffened. Kim frowned, sleepily yawning. “Don’t go.”

“I won’t.” Shego assured her, despite knowing that Kim was probably too out of it by now to remember this exchange the next morning. Shego could only hope that she’d remember the fact that she’d called out to Shego to begin with so that their fight could finally be over. She was tired of staying at an arm’s distance and over-thinking every gesture she made. She wanted to be there through all of this, not be in the background. Hadn’t that been the problem from the start?

The next morning came and Kim woke up alone, though she’d been expecting that. Every time Shego had stayed over before the injury, she’d always been careful to slip out before she was at risk of being discovered by Kim’s parents. It was a pattern for them, not one Kim was particularly fond of, but if nothing else it was nice to know that not everything in her life had changed completely.

Kim didn’t spend long lying there thinking before a tentative knock sounded on the door and she called out her acknowledgement. An over-eager mother came rushing into the room then, toting a tray filled with Kim’s favorite foods and a scarily wide smile.

“Good morning, Kimmie-bug!” She greeted brightly, settling on the edge of the bed and setting the tray aside. She helped Kim to the bathroom to take care of the necessities, then helped her back into bed so she was sitting up and ready to eat. Lifting a spoon to her daughter’s lips, Kim’s mother made conversation even with how reluctant Kim seemed. “Are you feeling up to visitors today?”

“I don’t want to see the tweebs yet, I don’t-”

“Just Ron, that’s all.” Her mother assured her hurriedly, as if she could detect how worked up Kim was getting from such a simple question. Kim relaxed notably at that, finding comfort in knowing it was just her goofy best friend in question. “He still hasn’t stopped messaging us begging to see you, it’s getting tiring.”

“I guess he can come over for a little bit.” Kim admitted, though she’d really wanted to disagree with her mother just for the sole sake of being difficult to get along with and ending the interaction between them quicker. She felt guilty about that though, watching how relieved her mother seemed to hear that Kim was still willing to see her friends. It seemed to give her a sense of hope she must have lost at some point with how difficult things had been lately, as she looked at Kim with an entirely different light behind her eyes.

“I’ll let him know.” Her mother beamed, grabbing her phone out of her pocket, presumably to reply to one of Ron’s many messages. She sat back up quickly to give her attention back to Kim though, grabbing the tray of food and pulling it closer to help feed her daughter. It didn’t last long though, only managing a few spoonfuls before the door to the room burst open and Kim nearly choked in shock.

“Kim!” Ron exclaimed, bursting into the room and running over to collapse at the foot of her bed, breathless. Both Kim and her mother wore matching confused expressions, gaping at him as he doubled over and clutched his stomach. “I have something to show you.”

“How did you get here so quickly? Were you waiting outside?!” Kim cried, feeling rather scandalized by that thought.

“Look what I taught Rufus to do for you!” Ron insisted the moment he’d caught his breath, jumping upright and holding Rufus up proudly. The naked mole rat seemed to grin, jumping down from his hand and running to grab Kim’s phone from the bedside table. Instantly, it was delivered to her lap and Rufus began to type on it. There were noticeable typos in the message he sent to Monique, but overall it was readable. “Cool, huh? He can fetch anything for you, I swear.”

“Yeah.” Kim laughed, a genuine smile on her face for the first time in what felt like forever. Ron smiled proudly, gesturing for Rufus to jump back into his hands.

“I’m just saying, maybe you need a naked mole rat of your own so-”

“No, I don’t.” Kim cut him off with a laugh, knowing full-well exactly how long Ron would go on with this particular rant if it wasn’t nipped in the bud. He was desperate to convince at least one of their friends to adopt a molerat of their own, but Kim refused to be the one to cave first. Still, she couldn’t deny that the little guy was helpful. “Thanks, Rufus.”

“When did Ron get here?” Her father asked, pausing in her doorway just as he’d been about to walk through it. Everyone exchanged expressions with varying levels of confusion, somehow including Ron, before everyone seemed to reach a mutual decision to just accept it and move on.

“Who knows.” Her mother concluded, laughing as she shrugged it off. She moved to feed Kim another bite of her breakfast, only for another pale hand to dart in and make grabbing motions for the spoon.

“I can help!” Ron insisted, in a way that sounded anything but helpful, but was endearing nonetheless. Her mother seemed reluctant to relinquish the spoon to anyone else, but Ron was nothing if not insistent, so eventually he managed to pry it into his own grip. The food he sent spiralling everywhere in turn was a mere coincidence, unrelated to his impatience of course.

“We’ll leave you two alone then.” Her mother muttered, shooting a knowing look in Kim’s direction that definitely shouldn’t have been there. The moment her parents were out of earshot, Kim let out a distressed sigh, turning her head just in time to dodge the mouthful of food Ron was urging toward her.

“I think my parents think we’re dating again.” Kim stated bluntly, trying her hardest not to pull a disgusted face right along with the observation. They’d tried dating before, a few times, on and off, and each time they’d come to the conclusion that they were better off friends. Everyone else seemed to see something between them simply because they were two people of the opposite gender that were relatively close to each other. Unsurprisingly, actual romantic relationships needed a lot more of a basis than just that.

“They still don’t know about Shego?” Ron asked, furrowing his eyebrows together and glancing up from where he was chopping at her food with a spoon. Kim nodded, sighing dramatically.

“Nah, it’d be kinda hard to explain.” Kim mumbled halfheartedly, tired of giving this same explanation so many times. It still bothered her, no matter how tough she tried to act about it. It was unlike her to keep secrets, especially something as valuable and important as her romantic partner. She wanted the whole world to know, though she had no choice but to admit that that was surely a bad idea in this particular case. “I mean, who would expect me to be secretly dating the bad guy?”

“Anyone that’s looked at your face while you talk about her, maybe.” Ron responded, seemingly absentmindedly considering he didn’t even look up from the food this time. Sometimes it was almost scary how well he knew Kim, his knowledge of her showing effortlessly at times like these.

“Whatever.” She laughed, glancing up at her ceiling to avoid his knowing look that he’d surely wear after seeing the blush spreading across her cheeks. She looked back down a few seconds later, finally accepting a bite of food and thinking about the situation as she chewed. “I wanna tell them soon, I just don’t know how.”

“I get it.” Ron assured her, leaning back and stretching an arm high over his head. Something seemed to occur to him mid-stretch, as he paused to look at her as a grin broke out across his entire face. Kim quirked an eyebrow, her attention fully snagged. “I’ve been talking to Wade, right? He tells me that he’s already rigging up some great gadgets to help you around the house with your wheelchair and whatnot.”

“Yeah?” Kim managed, probably sounding nowhere near as excited as she should have. She hated it, but even having the topic brought back to her situation right now made her feel awful. She didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to have to accept is as reality.

“Voice activated everything, you name it.” Ron elaborated, though it didn’t take him too long to catch up to speed and realize something was awry. He paused, biting his lip and hesitating as he studied Kim’s face. “How are you doing?”

“Good.” Ron shot her a skeptical look, Kim caved and decided to be a little bit more honest with the person that knew her well enough to see through the act. “Okay.”

“Bad, then?”

“Awful.” She sighed, hanging her head slightly. It was hard to lie to anyone, much less Ron who had been there by her side for so long. Honestly, she was struggling more than she ever had in her life to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, even if she forced herself not to think about it most of the time. “I still can’t believe this is permanent, for the rest of my life.”

“It’ll be okay.” Ron tried to reassure her, though he didn’t sound entirely confident himself.

“Easy for you to say, you still have a functional body.” Kim huffed bitterly, introducing a signature awkward silence to the room. Eventually, Ron found the nerve to simply power through it despite how awkward it was, animatedly beginning to chatter on about a new video game and a new burrito at the local Bueno Nacho. It was nice having someone that just kept talking even through the silences where she didn’t feel up to it. Kim appreciated her friend’s antics more than ever now.

Eventually Ron ended up leaving, mostly because he’d spent the entire day there and he had other things to attend to. Feeling better than she had in a long while, Kim agreed when her parents asked her to attend dinner downstairs. That quickly proved to be a giant mistake, one that involved her brothers asking too many harmless questions that felt like daggers being driven into her when each one consistently brought up the reality she was trying so hard to pretend wasn’t real.

She retired to bed early again that night, with the help of her parents of course. Even though she went to bed early, she didn’t sleep for many hours later. She purposely waited up until well after midnight, which was later than usual, when Shego finally snuck in through her window. Kim blinked her eyes open from where they’d been resting, lifting her head just enough to be able to watch as Shego gracefully crossed the room through the darkness.

“Hey, I brought you something.” She greeted, climbing into the bed next to Kim and kicking her shoes off as she went. Then, in a way that wasn’t smooth in the slightest, Shego shoved her hand into Kim’s face to show off the bouquet of flowers clutched there. Kim smiled all the same, even with the blast of floral scent she’d just been met with.

“Flowers, huh?” Kim mused, leaning forward enough to smell them again on her own terms. She pulled back, leaning back against the pillows as Shego searched around, presumably for a vase to put her find into. “Whose garden did you steal these from?”

“You’ll never know.” Shego responded, collapsing back onto the mattress next to Kim with her arms widespread. She face-planted into the pillows, her arm landing on Kim and gently wrapping around her so they could naturally move closer. Shego lifted her head, grinning as she leaned in to kiss Kim’s cheek. “Feeling any better than you did last night?”

“Honestly? No.” Kim answered, pouting slightly. She felt incredibly thankful when Shego responded by sitting up and leaning over her, dark hair falling in soft waves over Kim’s face. A giggle escaped her lips despite herself and Shego took this as the encouragement it was, beginning to pepper kisses all over her girlfriend’s face.

“Sorry to hear that, princess.” She managed, each word punctuated by another peck against her skin.

“God, I wish you could just stay here all the time.” Kim pondered dreamily, eyes fluttering closed as she finally found it in her to be able to relax again. Funnily enough, that liberty only ever seemed to come around when Shego was there with her.

“Y-Yeah?” Shego managed, sounding oddly surprised by the admission. She scrambled backward onto her respective side of the bed, lying down next to Kim again and going silent in a way that meant she was brooding. If Kim had the energy, she would have tried to cheer her girlfriend up right back, but truthfully she was exhausted. As she felt herself zoning out and approaching unconsciousness, she just barely caught the words Shego followed her question up with. “Me too.”

\--

It went on like that for weeks, though it felt like months, an unbreaking pattern that drove Kim mad more than anything else. She’d never really been one for regularity, for finding comfort in doing the same thing day in and day out, but now it felt like suffocating to think about how little she’d been doing with her life. Autumn was half over with winter rapidly approaching and while she should have been preparing plans to come home from college for the holidays, she was left attending weekly therapy sessions and slowly feeling more and more like wasted space.

Sometimes, selfishly, she would catch herself wishing that the accident had been worse. Of course it wasn’t what she really wanted, well, most of the time anyway. It was just so difficult to reason with herself that it was worth being here when everything she’d ever based her worth off of was suddenly stripped away from her.

And then, almost as abruptly as the pattern was introduced to her life, it left. Not in the sense that she instantly went back to being the person she once was because that would have been impossible, but one of the many whirring cogs in the machine becomes unslotted and sets the rest of it on an entirely different path.

It started small, changes so small and seemingly irrelevant that Kim doesn’t even notice them in the beginning. She’s got a lot on her mind after all, even if she’s not doing anything physically. She starts to pick up on it eventually though, and once she’s started to notice things there’s no turning it off.

With each night that passed, Shego started showing up earlier in the evening until she was there well-before dinner and left ducking into Kim’s closet to avoid her girlfriend’s parents. She starts bringing gifts with her too, not unlike the chocolate bar and flowers she’d brought for Kim before, but to the extent that her parents start asking where they’re all coming from. After that, they start showing up on the doorstep with anonymous senders each morning, though Kim knows it’s always from the same person.

Kim makes the decision not to comment on it out of fear that it’ll stop if she brings attention to it, until the morning that she wakes up and the stretch of mattress beside her is _still occupied_ . Her heart begins to race immediately, overwhelmed with the desire to roll over and cuddle impossibly closer to the girl beside her. _She’s actually here, she finally stayed_. Kim hadn’t even realized how much it meant to her until that very moment, the reality hits her that she’s been waiting for this far longer than she ever would have admitted to herself.

“Shego?” Kim spoke softly, as if afraid to frighten her girlfriend awake and scare her off. Half-surprised when Shego didn’t bolt the moment her name was called, Kim watched with rapt fascination as the other woman sat up with a loud, obnoxious yawn. This was probably the first time in the entire duration of their relationship that Kim could remember seeing Shego’s hair looking anything but silky smooth and perfectly styled.

“Hm?” Shego hummed, disoriented as she rubbed at her eyes. Kim relaxed her head back, allowing herself to indulge in the fantasy of being able to sit up and hug Shego to her, express what words couldn’t in convincing her girlfriend to stick around.

“What are you still doing here?” She asked, once she’d stayed silent long enough to deem Shego fully conscious. Her girlfriend stiffened slightly at the question, turning to face Kim with her shoulders tense and eyebrows drawn together.

“Figured I’d hang-out for a bit longer, why? Is there a problem?”

“Not with me, but my parents might...” Kim trailed off, immediately regretting saying anything as she watched the self-doubt flitter across Shego’s features. That was the opposite of what she’d hoped to achieve with this conversation, but before she got the chance to backtrack, Shego was already scrambling to her feet.

“Right.” She breathed, searching around the floor for her shoes. She paused after finding them though, leaving them hanging from her grip as she slowly turned back around and fixed Kim with a curious squint. “Should I go then?”

There it was, the chance that Kim had been waiting on all of this time. It had been so long since she’d had any say in any part of her life that it felt a little bit overwhelming, but she steeled her nerves and tried not to be intimidated out of doing what she had to. Today was as good a day as any.

“Nah, stay. I need to talk to them about us anyway.” Kim explained, feigning a casual outlook when in reality her mind was screaming at her to resort back to fight or flight instincts. She couldn’t do either of those things now, only lie there and wait to see Shego’s reaction. Said reaction came in the form of a rather pained grimace, though Shego carefully eased back into the bed as she pulled the face. Kim laughed, looking up at her fondly. “Don’t look so terrified, they’re not that scary.”

“To you!” Shego exclaimed, though any bite behind the words quickly dissolved as she burst into nervous laughter. She buried her face in her hands, shaking it back and forth. “I’m so not the person they’re going to want dating their daughter.”

It only occurred to Kim in that moment that maybe she hadn’t been thinking about her girlfriend nearly enough over the past few months. It wasn’t like you could blame her for that, she’d had an awful lot going on in her own life, but with it staring her in the face like this on a good day, it was hard to ignore. While Shego had been there for her constantly, Kim had been so absorbed in her own troubles to even realize all of the effort and struggles that Shego was going through trying to be more present in her life.

Suddenly, Kim remembered the very vague conversation they’d had in the hospital that first night, where Shego had assured her she wouldn’t be the last person in Kim’s life anymore. It made sense now, and Kim was kicking herself for never noticing it properly.

Her gaze softened even further, probably looking downright pathetic it was so sappy. She needed Shego to know how much she appreciated everything she’d done, needed Shego to know that she was as welcome here as she possibly could be.

“You’re the person who has been here for me and continues to be here for me through it all, what else could they ask for?” Kim argued gently, the confidence that had been so absent from her life for so long slowly coming back to her. This was important, doubly so considering how much it’d improve both of their lives to be open about how they felt for each other. If there was one thing out there that Kim was willing to stand-up for and not take no as an answer with, it was what her and Shego had together.

“Alright, let’s give it a go.” Shego concluded finally, after receiving a series of pleading and encouraging looks from her girlfriend.

After that Kim was more eager than ever to get up, it’d been so long since she felt that way that even Shego seemed to be looking at her differently. For once it wasn’t Kim’s parents helping her get ready in the morning, but rather her girlfriend. Though Kim still felt insecure and ashamed of how little she was capable of now, she couldn’t deny that it felt better. Shego made it fun, lighthearted banter throughout the process making Kim feel less like a living corpse and more like the person she’d once been.

Shego helped her down the stairs and into her wheelchair, the commotion of it all attracting the curious eyes of Kim’s younger brothers. They exchanged matching scandalized looks, but they didn’t actually question them on it. Kim controlled her wheelchair via the straw and steered herself into the kitchen, unsurprised to find her parents both sitting at the breakfast bar.

They looked up as she entered the room, just in time to watch as Shego sheepishly slinked in behind her. Kim decided then that it would be her job to exude enough confidence for the both of them. This was the first thing that had mattered to her in so long, she couldn’t let it pass her by. It didn’t matter that her parents were looking at her like she’d lost her mind, this was the first time in weeks that she actually felt like she had it again.

“Mom, Dad, this is Shego.” She introduced, turning her head back to stare up at her girlfriend. Shego leaned into the door frame, balancing more of her weight against it and looking so generally uncomfortable that even Kim had to notice how out of place she looked.

“We’re aware. What’s she doing in our kitchen at 8am?” Kim’s father asked, setting his cup of coffee down on the counter. Kim pulled the same face she used to when she shrugged, hoping that the memo would get across even with the lack of physical movement.

“Visiting.”

“Hi.” Shego managed meekly, holding up her hand in a mockery of a wave. Kim may have face-palmed if she were capable of it.

“Uh, Kim?” Her father asked, very visibly uneasy with the situation. He edged closer, like he could somehow hide his face from view enough for the words he was speaking to go unnoticed by their new guest. He fixed his gaze on Kim, that same reprimanding look she’d received so often lately. It was like they didn’t think her capable of running her own life whatsoever. “You know what they say about making deals with the devil, right? I don’t know what Drakken has cooked up, but you know you can’t trust him for anything, don’t you?”

“I’m not negotiating with the bad guys to get my body back, who do you think I am?” Kim snapped, the very second she realized what was being implied. She blinked, staring bitterly down at the tiled floor and trying to cling to the remaining confidence she had left. Just as she took a deep breath to gather her strength, Shego settled a hand on her shoulder. Kim lit up. “I’m… dating one.”

The rest of the room did not light up. Her mother dropped the book she’d been holding onto the floor, her father took a stumbling step backward in shock, and her brothers both gasped from where they’d been eavesdropping in the doorway.

“You two are dating?” Her mother asked, suddenly looking an awful lot more involved in the conversation. Kim nodded her head, forcing a smile and hoping the reaction would be a positive one after she clarified.

“Yes!” Kim confirmed, shooting a pleading look in her father’s direction. He sighed, leaning back against the counter and looking to Shego. Her girlfriend shifted nervously beside her, clearing her throat before answering the unspoken question.

“Um, yeah.”

“How long?” Her mother asked innocently, not showing how she felt one way or the other. Her expression was masked with neutrality that made Kim uneasy, but she’d committed to this now and wouldn’t be backing down.

“Six months or so now?” Kim replied, looking up at Shego just in time to watch her nod in agreement.

“Wow, didn’t see this one coming.” One of the tweebs shouted somewhere in the background. Luckily, everyone seemed equally disinterested in that input. Her parents looked between each other and back to Kim, finally cracking the beginning of a smile.

“Whatever makes you happy, makes us happy too.” Kim’s mother assured her, getting up from her chair and walking over to hug Kim to her chest.

“Good.” Kim breathed out, thankful when her mother pulled back so she could continue speaking freely. She nudged her head slightly in Shego’s direction, her own smile widening as the reality of the situation settled in. “You’ll probably be seeing more of her around, if that’s alright.”

“Of course!” Her mother enthused, sounding only partially like she was faking it. That didn’t matter though, even if they weren’t completely on board now, they would be if they continued to be open-minded enough to spend time around Shego. It was impossible not to grow to like the girl when you knew her beyond her villainous acts.

The entire family ate breakfast together then, Shego dutifully helping her girlfriend and continuing to be uncharacteristically quiet. It wasn’t exactly subtle, the way Kim’s family were sizing her up and practically judging her every move, waiting for her to mess up. That would change though, Kim was sure of this, they just needed some time to grow into trusting someone they’d always held so many grudges toward.

“That was one massively sugarcoated reaction.” Shego mused, cradling Kim closer to her body as she helped the other girl into bed. Kim nodded tiredly, settling back into the mattress with a big goofy smile on her face. So it wasn’t exactly the perfect reaction, but it was still good. This gave them a chance to move forward and that was really all she could have asked for. Just a chance to prove them wrong.

“What did you expect?” Kim mused, pursing her lips until Shego got the memo and leaned down to meet her halfway with the kiss. Shego pulled back, blushing as she reached up to support Kim’s head in her hand. Noses still brushing together, lips close enough that they could feel it as they both spoke, that was how they stayed. “They’ll get used to the idea, they don’t have any other choice. You’re sticking around for a while yet, aren’t you?”

“That’s the plan.” Shego breathed, surging forward again to lock their lips together once more. This kiss had more urgency, but at it’s surface Kim still read it as the emotionally vulnerable embrace that it really was. That was a big moment for both of them, she had no doubt that Shego realized as much. It was a new beginning, a chance to do things the right way and actually be here for each other. It was exactly what Shego had been longing for all those months ago and Kim was thrilled to finally be able to offer it to her.

\--

Things weren’t perfect after that, with the good days came bad days, sometimes ones that spanned on into bad weeks. It was easier though, that much was obvious when Kim had gone from having mutual support during the nights to practically all the time. It was impossible to tell what Shego was pulling to be able to have this much free time from her job with Drakken, but Kim wasn’t about to argue with it when it meant her girlfriend was there for her more.

A lot more, it seemed. Each morning the day would start with Shego helping her get ready; brushing the tangles out of Kim’s hair, helping her brush her teeth or use the washroom, even sometimes going so far as to take joint showers/baths together because it was easiest to help that way. At first her parents seemed really uneasy each time Shego would show up, but eventually they settled down and became impassive. Then, as weeks flew by again and Shego was spending time at their house more often than not, they began to properly interact and get to know the girl.

It was nice, Kim wasn’t about to deny that much. She still felt helpless some days though, when she started to feel too self-aware about how little she was doing with her life. It wasn’t really a conscious decision, but more often than not she would reject plans before even considering them. It would be things she’d once loved to do more than anything else, but she just couldn’t justify all the effort and embarrassment of going out in public like this. It felt an awful lot like admitting defeat and showing the world that she’d finally lost a battle.

Most weeks Kim would only leave the house for therapy, usually driven there and back by her lovely supportive girlfriend. Shego was getting quite good at the whole domestic lover thing, considering how touch-starved and inexperienced she’d been in the very beginning. It was comfortable, but Kim couldn’t ward away the niggling feeling that it wouldn’t last forever. Who would possibly be willing to give up their entire life to looking after another? Put everything they were doing on hold and trail behind alongside a straggler? It just didn’t seem realistic.

On her bad days, it was all Kim could think about, how fleeting it had to be. Today was no different, after a particularly grueling therapy session where she’d opened up far more than she’d planned on doing. She was emotionally exhausted, slumped in her seat while Shego hummed along to pop music in the driver’s seat, hands firmly planted on the wheel.

“Do you ever think about the future?” Kim asked absentmindedly, staring out of her window at the trees and houses flying past her view. There was a long pause and without looking Kim could tell that Shego had stopped to turn the radio down before replying.

“Uh, I guess?” Shego managed awkwardly, clearly caught off guard by the question. When Kim met her gaze in the overhead mirror for a brief second, Shego seemed to realize that the question required more of an answer than that alone. “Generally I try not to, criminals don’t exactly have a white picket fence lined up for them.”

“Do you want one?” Kim asked, self-consciously looking down at her lap. Normally, she didn’t allow herself to think about things like this. It didn’t seem realistic anymore with how things were now, it would only make it harder on her to keep imagining what she might not ever be able to have.

“Sometimes.” Shego answered, being her usual cryptic self. Kim sighed dramatically, surprised when this actually earned her a reaction. Shego pulled the car over to the edge of the road, turning it off and turning around in her seat to look back at Kim. “Like when I look at you.”

“Aw, you sap.” Kim managed, though her voice was noticeably choked as she struggled to speak around the lump forming in her throat. She felt sad when she thought about Shego leaving her, but she felt incredibly guilty when she thought about Shego staying. Who was she to ask someone to dedicate the rest of their life to being a caretaker? No one deserved to be tied down so heavily. “It’ll be a little bit weird, won’t it?”

“What? Us settling down together?”

“Yeah.”

“Not the weirdest thing to ever happen to either of us.” Shego supplied with a smile, clearly not catching onto Kim’s self-loathing train of thought. Shego unbuckled her seatbelt, awkwardly clambering into the backseat and cupping Kim’s face between her hands. She smiled widely, eyes seemingly sparkling in the midday sun. “If anything, I think we deserve it after all we’ve been through.”

“I guess so.” Kim agreed hesitantly, eyes flickering to the side and refusing to meet her girlfriend’s gaze directly. Shego wasn’t having any of this, grabbing her chin gently and turning her head to face her again. That smile on her face felt blinding to Kim, who was so determined to accept to herself that she wasn’t good enough, no matter how she wanted to be.

“We should go on a date.” Shego suggested boldly, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Now?”

“No, but soon.” Shego continued, looking off into space and seemingly planning things out already. Kim nodded, biting at the inside of her cheek and telling herself to simply bask in the moment while it lasted. It was easier suggested than done though, to look at everything you’d ever wanted and not think about how it’d hurt to lose it. Shego, oblivious as ever bless her soul, had started continuing on her animated ramble about dates that Kim wasn’t really listening to. “It’s been awhile since we’ve been out anywhere together and I know it’s hard to arrange all things considered, but we deserve that too.”

“Sure.” Kim said, at the exact same moment her mind unhelpfully reminded her that Shego realistically deserved so much better than anything Kim did.

The days passed by much the same as they had been, though Kim was slowly slipping into a worse state of mind with each hour. Once she’d opened up that can of worms there wasn’t any getting it back into where it’d been before, her thoughts constantly consumed by thoughts of losing Shego. How it’d happen, when it’d happen, how it’d hurt her when it did. It was a masochistic method of putting herself down and Kim couldn’t bring herself to stop it.

Each time she watched her family open up just a little bit more to her girlfriend, whenever Ron would come over and spend hours playing dumb video games with Shego, even at night when the girl of her dreams was sleeping peacefully next to her. Kim was drowning in her own thoughts, too scared to even ask anyone to throw her a lifesaver when they’d already done so much for her.

It was difficult, but it was do-able, right up until the night of their date rolled around. Kim had no idea where they were going, only that Shego had planned the entire thing out and was incredibly proud of what she’d come up with. So Kim went along with it, even though more than anything she just wanted to crawl back into bed and tell Shego to move on already. A clean break would be easier, rip it off like a band-aid. She was going to get left behind sooner or later, better to be sooner.

She sat in front of the mirror in her washroom, staring at her own reflection critically as Shego went through the meticulous ordeal of curling her long hair. She hadn’t been out to have it cut since the accident, too nervous to even dream of asking a stranger to do the things her friends and family had been reduced to doing for her. She’d need help into the chair, wouldn’t be able to shift around on her own if needed, it’d be embarrassing. The only reason her hair wasn’t a tangled rat’s nest in the first place was because of Shego and yet here she was going out of her way to offer more. It was unfair. Kim would never be able to offer her half as much as she was being offered.

“You look gorgeous.” Shego commented off-handedly, looking up through her lashes and locking eyes with Kim in the reflection of the mirror.

“You think?”

“I _know._ ” Shego corrected, humming playfully as she set the curler aside and turned it off. She looked back to Kim, smiling widely and bouncing the curls in her hands. She leaned down, massaging Kim’s shoulders as she placed a kiss to her cheek. “I’ll go get everything ready.”

“Sounds good.” Kim spoke, feeling far away from the entire exchange. Shego left the room then and Kim guided her chair back into her bedroom, looking longingly toward the bed and wishing she could just crawl into it to hide under the covers. That’s what she felt like doing more than anything, hiding herself away so she’d never have to be a nuisance for the rest of the world again.

She stared, blank and unblinking, until her eyes burned. She tried time and time again to will even just one part of her body to move, to do absolutely anything for herself again. There weren’t any results, it just left her breathless and feeling impossibly worse the more she thought about how _permanent_ all of this was. The rest of her life she would be a chore while other people were capable of doing anything they dreamed of.

Tears began to streak down her cheeks, a melancholy longing for the life she’d lost bubbling up in her chest so strong that it would have knocked her off her feet had it been able. Instead she simply sat there in her chair, immobile even as the pain threatened to sway her like a blowing wind. She would never have it back, the freedom and the independence, the endless possibilities.

She heard it loud and clear when Shego entered the room again, each footstep toward her ringing out loud as a gunshot. Kim sat there, staring straight ahead and silently allowing herself to mourn over her own death, the death of who she used to be and what she could have been.

“You ready to go? The car is started and I got your wheelchair in the back, so whenever you’re-” Shego cut herself off, freezing at Kim’s side the moment her gaze landed on her girlfriend’s soaked face. Panic engulfed her in an instant, given it’d been weeks since Kim had allowed herself to break down like this now that people were around at all times. “Kim?”

“I don’t want to go anymore.” Kim managed, coughing weakly as she struggled to get the words out.

“Kim, look at me.” Shego prompted, reaching out for Kim’s face only to have it jerked away from her at the last second. Kim shook her head, back and forth, back and forth, until her brain felt scrambled inside her skull. The world around her felt blurry and she liked it, she absolutely loved how easy it suddenly was to believe that this wasn’t her reality.

“No! Leave me alone!” She roared, feeling the tangible ache in her chest. Shego, at a loss for what to do, sat down on the edge of the bed across from Kim. A hand settled on Kim’s knee, just under the hem of where her dress had fallen, and the simple touch felt painful when her mind screamed so loudly that she was undeserving of it. “I c-can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t keep doing this and pretending to be someone I’m not.” Kim croaked, feeling the composure she’d struggled so long to hold onto finally cracking at the seams. Each stitch came undone, the dam she’d been holding back gushing freely in the form of fat tears covering her face. “Face it, I’m not Kim Possible anymore. I’m like the two day old leftovers of a great meal that no one’s thrown out yet simply because they’re still reminiscing over how good I used to be. I’m Kim Impossible, I can’t do anything anymore! I’m not the person I used to be, I’m not the person you fell in love with, I’m barely even _a_ person!”

“Stop it, don’t talk about yourself like that.” Shego managed, though tears were starting to brim in her own eyes. Despite knowing that she was hurting the one person in the world that she wanted more than anything to do right by and show how much she cared about, Kim couldn’t bring herself to stop now that she’d started spilling out.

“What difference does it make? You’re gonna realize I’m right sooner or later!” She argued, cold and distant as she reverted back into her own dark mind. She looked down at the floor, sobbing so heavily that her head ached with the force of it. “I’m leftovers, I’m rotten and useless, stop pretending to want me because you loved the person I once was.”

“I’m the only fucking person here that isn’t pretending!” Shego roared, shouting even through the tears that now coated her face. Absentmindedly, Kim felt bad for all the hours that had been wasted on doing their make-up and making them look nice for the date that’d never happen. “What do you want me to say? The same thing everyone else is telling you? That it’ll get easier? That this is _God’s will_? That one day you’re gonna wake up and be the same person you used to be!?”

“I don’t know what I want!” Kim cried brokenly, dropping her head and hanging it between her shoulders in misery. She winced, her face scrunching up in pain. “I just want to go back.”

“You can’t.” Shego deadpanned, blunt and to the point as she leaned back with her weight on the heels of her hands. Kim looked up at her, shock blatantly displayed across her features after hearing her girlfriend say something so inconsiderate. “What? I’m not going to lie to you.”

“Go.” Kim spoke evenly, trying not to let her voice tremble with the force of the mixed emotions bombarding her mind from all sides. Shego simply shook her head though, knocking her foot against Kim’s where it rested against the footrests of her wheelchair.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Shego stated firmly, grabbing the armrests of Kim’s chair and pulling her closer to the edge of the bed. The moment she was within reach, Shego leaned forward and hugged her with such force that it left Kim feeling breathless. Shego sighed, lips ghosting across the shell of Kim’s ear. “That’s not a lie either, you know.”

“Do you know how guilty I feel watching people dance on eggshells around me? Staying around because they feel bad for me?”

“They’re staying around because they care about you.” Shego responded evenly, hands settling on either of Kim’s thighs and squeezing them supportively. “You’re still Kim Possible, you’re still the same girl I fell in love with. You’ve grown. Things have changed and they won’t ever be the same, but you’re still _you_. Hell, the world could take every other thing away from you, but they can’t take that.”

“It’s not fair!”

“I know, goddamnit, I know.” Shego grumbled, the crack in her voice giving away how much this fact hurt her as well. She took a deep breath, stern gaze meeting with Kim’s weak one. Kim had never seen her look so passionate about anything, even during their multiple fights where Shego had been so very determined to win. “The world isn’t fair. People get dealt bad cards every single day, they fight it and they come up with excuses for it, they’ll sugarcoat it until they gag on the sweet lies they all tell themselves to justify the pain they’re put through. There isn’t really a reason, there isn’t really a promise that it’ll get better if you do your best. The universe isn’t inherently good, it doesn’t care about any of us.”

“I know.”

“But you know who does care?” Shego whispered, reaching up to brush the tears away from Kim’s face with her sleeve. She gave a breathless laugh, sounding more awestruck than anything else, eyes wide and soft as they focused on her girlfriend. “You.”

“Shego, I can’t listen to you say things like that right n-”

“You don’t have a choice!” Shego snapped, stopping Kim with the grip on her thighs before the other girl could attempt to wheel her chair away and avoid the conversation. “I’ve been here for you every step of the way. I’ve done everything I can to make this easier on you. I’ve listened to you put yourself down for the things that made me fall in love with you time and time again, but it hurts. It hurts so badly, but all I’m asking you to do is listen to me explain why. I’m not asking for promises, for things to change, I just need you to _know_.”

“O-Okay.”

“For years I thought it was pointless to try. The world sucked, it was going to go down in flames sooner or later, so why would anything I did ever matter? The scales were imbalanced from the start, bad things happen to people no matter how good they are so why bother being good? Just, give up, it’s easier when you don’t care.” Shego explained, shaking her hair out of her face as if she couldn’t spare the second it’d take to pause and move it with her hands. “But then you came along. It wasn’t your achievements that stood out to me, I’d seen so-called heroes before plenty of times, eventually they either gave up or died in a blaze of glory like the others. It wasn’t your skills, even though it was unlike anything I’d ever seen before, it was still just a matter of practice and luck of the draw that you ended up with such a capable body. None of that mattered to me. For years I looked at you and all I saw was another blindly-determined idiot, someone so naive that they somehow managed to make it into adulthood without realizing how shit the world was.”

“What changed?” Kim responded quietly, staring at Shego in an entirely new light as she watched the girl she’d come to love so much lay her heart on the line. She’d always been reserved, private about how she felt even though she was never dishonest. This was too raw, too vulnerable and exposed to be the same girl Kim had come to know. Yet, as always, Kim was painstakingly aware that this really was her reality now.

“I looked at you.” Shego responded, sniffling slightly as she leaned forward to rest their foreheads against each other. “I don’t mean I saw you and realized how gorgeous you were one day, I mean I really _looked_ at you. I thought about it, why you were so stupidly determined to change things that weren’t made to be changed. I watched your impact on the world firsthand, I watched you save people from villains, but I never really thought about what that meant to those people until you saved me. It was so simple to understand it after that, why you kept trying even when the odds looked impossible. It wasn’t that you were too naive to realize the evil in the world outweighed the good, it was that you had so much compassion in you that you would fight until the bitter end to change that, even knowing the odds.”

“I-”

“Listen to me, really listen.” Shego interrupted, though it sounded an awful lot more like a plea than a demand. Kim had never seen Shego beg for anything, too prideful to sink so low as to show how badly she needed something from another. “I didn’t really look at you until a year ago, but it was only then that I realized you’d been looking at me all along. There were so many instances were you could have killed me, put me down and saved yourself all the stress of fighting me again down the line. No one would have blamed you for it, it was what I deserved. I was a villain, sometimes I still feel like one, but that wasn’t ever what you saw when you looked at me. You just saw a person, someone who had been dealt the bad cards and was doing their best to keep playing the game with what they had.”

“Well, yeah, anyone can change.” Kim flushed, suddenly feeling sheepish under the intense gaze Shego was raking over her face. It’d always come naturally to her, to give everyone an equal shot at growing and improving themselves. “I wasn’t going to deny you the chance to be someone better. I didn’t have the right to make the call on whether you were hopeless or not, only you did.”

“I know.” Shego breathed, giving a choked ironic laugh and leaning back to look up at the ceiling. She shook her head, mopping at the tears covering her face and trailing down her neck. “For so many years, I thought I’d already made that call. I felt it, so deeply down to my core, that I was hopeless. I had nothing to lose, not when I’d already given it all up.”

“Shego.” Kim was slowly realizing exactly where this lecture was going, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell Shego to stop. She deserved the chance to get it all out in the open, the same way that Kim finally had. They needed to do this, for themselves and for each other, they deserved it.

“Kim.” She sighed, brushing their lips together lightly. “I can’t make the call for you anymore than you could make the call for me, all I can do is be here for you through it. I won’t give up hope on you, no matter how many times you lose sight of it in yourself.”

“I don’t know how to find it again.”

“Well, trying to see the worth in what you have is a good place to start. You are so much more than flesh and bone. Your impact, your achievements, your insight, all of it. You have things no one else in the world could ever offer, things that can never be taken away from you. You changed my life simply by being yourself, I don’t doubt you can continue to change the world by doing the same. Thank-you on behalf of everyone you’ve ever saved for never giving up hope on the hopeless, for never ever accepting anything as impossible.”

“Everyone has their limits, you know.”

“Are you gonna let this be yours?” The question wasn’t nearly as accusatory as Kim had expected it to be, but rather it seemed like Shego was just genuinely curious. When Kim hesitated and didn’t immediately know how to answer, Shego continued in a much quieter tone. “That’s not the Kimmie I know. Believe it or not, I’m pretty confident she’s still in there somewhere, fighting even harder than she’s ever had to.”

“How can you have so much faith in me?”

“You have no idea how many times I could have asked you that same question.” Shego laughed, the fondness in her voice seeping through so strongly that Kim could feel her insecurities slowly starting to ebb away. It wouldn’t happen overnight, she would surely still have bad days in the future… but for the first time since the accident she felt secure in what she had. Shego would be here for her, Shego had never seen this has a chore, only an equal understanding in the name of love. “I love you. If you can make me see the good in this world even at times like these, then anything’s possible.”

“I love you too.” Kim breathed, blinking away tears of an entirely different nature now. She was so happy, even though it was bittersweet and things would never be the same as they once were, she was finally starting to learn how to see the value in what she had now. “I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try.”

“That’s more than I ever could have asked for.” Shego responded brightly, rising to her feet. “So, about that date?”

“I probably look awful now!” Kim cried, though she was laughing even as she argued. She didn’t really care, for once she couldn’t possibly care less about what the rest of the world thought of her. That was new, something that hadn’t been there even in her prime. She’d always cared too much about what others saw her as, she was only now starting to realize that it wasn’t what defined her as a person. “On one condition.”

“Anything, you name it and I’ll do it.”

“I want you to keep trying too.” Kim spoke quietly, thankful when Shego began to wheel her chair for her so she could continue speaking. They headed toward the stairs, probably both looking like utter messes but feeling better than they had in ages. “Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve.”

“Are you indirectly putting yourself down again?”

“No.” Kim laughed, looking up at Shego and admiring the beautiful woman she was so lucky to have in her life. The pain in her chest had been replaced with a new warmth, an appreciation so deeply-rooted that Kim hoped it would stay there forever, even on the bad days. She hoped that Shego was feeling the same way. “I want you to be happy with who you are too, I’ll wait as long as it takes for you to get there.”

\--

Spring approached much quicker than expected, throwing tasks at Kim quicker than she could possibly hope to complete them on her own. Luckily, she wasn’t alone, and Shego was there to help her every step of the way. The encouragement was exactly what she needed, the constant loving gaze and comfort that came in having her lover so close. She wasn’t about to admit to it, but more than anyone else in her life, Shego had helped her recover the most.

Now, waking up in the bed next to the imprint her girlfriend had left in the mattress next to her, in a room covered in boxes, Kim couldn’t have been any happier. The circumstances still pained her and her life would never be what it used to be, but she was learning how to appreciate it for what it was now. She was learning to appreciate herself for who she was now.

A nineteen year old quadripelgic woman getting ready to attend college, starting in the spring semester because her recovery had gotten in the way of her original plans. That was Kim Possible now, and she was determined to make a difference in the world just the way she was.

“Shego?” She called out, giggling fondly as she watched the raven-haired girl poke her head out of the washroom with a toothbrush hanging between her lips. Shego grinned around it, winking at Kim and throwing a pair of finger guns into the air at her.

“Sup?” Shego asked, stepping back into the bedroom. That was the exact moment that Kim lost her shit, giggling wildly as she gave Shego another once-over. Oh, how had she lucked out in finding the most endearing and entertaining woman all in one? “What are you looking at me all weird-like for? Are you laughing at _me_?!”

“Is that my brother’s shirt?” Kim asked between laughter, shaking her head at Shego. Realization dawned on her girlfriend’s features and Shego looked down at herself, eyes widening as she looked at the strange science-related pun she was broadcasting on her body. She looked back up, shrugging her shoulders.

“Oh. I don’t know, it was in your laundry.”

“You could always just bring your own clothes over with you so you don’t have to raid my laundry.”

“Where’s the fun in that? My wardrobe has never looked livelier, I’ll have you know.” Shego mused, disappearing back into the bathroom only to re-emerge a moment later. She paced over to the bed, collapsing onto her half of it and rolling onto her side to face Kim. She smiled, practically melting into the mattress with the stupid grin still on display. “You need up yet?”

“Nah, I’m comfortable right where I am.”

“Here, lemme get that mess out of your eyes.” Shego suggested abruptly, sitting up to brush Kim’s hair out of her eyes. Their gazes met then and Shego smirked, flashing a toothy grin. “There, now you can stare at me unabashedly.”

“I hate you so much.”

“Oh, I’m sure you do.” Shego responded, hitching a leg over Kim’s and shuffling closer so their bodies cuddled closer together. Faces mere inches apart, Shego gave a soft kiss to the tip of Kim’s nose and pulled back with a wink. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Kim responded, fondly rolling her eyes.

“What do you wanna do today?”

“I think we should start packing my things, we can’t keep putting it off.”

“You’re right.” Shego sighed, the sound long and drawn-out, anything but approving of Kim’s suggestion. Quirking an eyebrow in question, Shego read the signal accurately and made her own suggestion for the day’s events. “Or, we could lie in bed all day and eat junk food.”

“I thought you were the one advocating for me getting back on my feet and living a normal life?”

“Of course, but I’m still advocating for myself to live the cushiest life possible.” Shego responded without missing a beat, smirking playfully over at Kim as she stretched her arms out against the headboard. She paused mid-stretch though, a thoughtful look coming across her face that totally contrasted the casual mood they’d just set up. Shego looked at Kim, biting her lip and clearly struggling to find the right words. “I’ve been thinking.”

“How rare.” Kim teased, nervously joking to hide how worried she actually was by the sudden shift in atmosphere. Shego simply rolled her eyes though, reaching out to poke her finger into Kim’s cheek in a mockery of a reprimand.

“Shut-up.” She giggled, laying her head on Kim’s shoulder and staring up at the ceiling above them in deep-thought. Finally, she turned to face Kim, placing a kiss to her neck as she shifted. “You miss the whole hero spiel pretty bad, huh?”

“Well, yeah, that’s kind-of a given.” Kim replied, only slightly bitter because she really figured her answer to that question should have been common sense. Shego shrank back, blushing rapidly and confusing Kim even more. What had her so nervous? Was she just ashamed about asking such a dumb question or was she stalling for time?

Shego sat up suddenly, looking down at her lap and fiddling with her thumbs.

“What if I gave it a go?” Shego mumbled, glancing back at Kim. Seeing the shocked expression on her girlfriend’s face, she immediately started to backtrack and explain herself further. Visibly flustered beyond belief, Shego stuttered uselessly over her words. “I’m not promising that I’ll be good at it! I might quit halfway through training because I’m not really good with commitment and the thought of repeating my past is a very daunting dark cloud hanging over my head, but-”

“You wanna try it.” Kim mouthed, finding her voice immediately afterward and blinking dumbly up at Shego. “You wanna try being the good guy.”

“Good girl, but yes.” Shego laughed, receiving nothing but continuous confused stares. Finally, she slumped back down beside Kim and started to gesture frantically into the air above them as she tried to clarify even further. Kim didn’t know how to break it to her that she didn’t have to go through so much effort to justify her actions, that Kim was already completely committed to the idea from the moment it was brought up. “Look, being a henchwoman isn’t exactly paying the retirement funds.”

“You plan on retiring anytime soon?”

“No, but I wanna have enough money saved up to buy you one hell of a house when I do.” Shego responded, effortlessly falling back on familiar territory. Kim rolled her eyes, though now she was blushing right alongside her girlfriend.

“You’re such a flirt.” She muttered, clicking her tongue. “I love it.”

“My flirting?”

“No, the idea of you joining our side.” Kim laughed, shaking her head at Shego’s attempts to change the subject already. “Ron keeps telling me that I should consider recruiting some new heroes and guiding them from the sidelines, but maybe we don’t need to after all if you-”

“Oh, trust me, you definitely still need to.” Shego interrupted, shaking her head rapidly. Kim chuckled, amused by her girlfriend’s precaution. She seemed so nervous about it, so determined to get it right that it was adorable. “Do not bet everything you have on me, that would be a very bad move.”

“I disagree, but for your sake I’ll play along.” Kim responded, already feeling new ideas brimming inside of her mind. She’d always liked the suggestions when Ron made them, but she was all too aware of how hard it would be to face something like that on her own when she needed to rely on others for their support all the time. If Shego was involved though, that would make things endlessly easier on her, and way more fun. “We’ll recruit new heroes and I’ll teach them everything I know, coach them from the sidelines just like Wade while pursuing my boring, normal college career as an average person. It’s the closest thing I can get to what I used to have.”

“Hey, look at me.” Shego blurted, propping herself up on an elbow to stare down at Kim. “Stop chasing something you used to have, keep looking forward at what you could have. You have the power to do so much and change so many lives, let go of the past for long enough to put your all into the future.”

“You sound like an infomercial.”

“Infomercial or bad flirting, take your pick.”

“Can I choose both?”

“I won’t argue with that.”

**Author's Note:**

> How was that angst-fest for ya? This is my first story on Ao3, up until now I've been solely using Wattpad to post real-person fanfiction, but I'm gonna use this account for all my tv show/anime fanfiction. The primary fandom you can expect me to write for is Voltron, but who knows what else will pop up here in the future when people request it. If you're interested in following me on my social medias, I will link them down below!
> 
> Thanks again to wombatking for prompting me to write this, I had a lot of fun trying out writing for a different fandom than I normally would! Also thanks to anyone reading this, hope you liked it!
> 
> twitter - https://twitter.com/MelancholyMango  
> this is where i am at my messiest, but basically you can expect to see anything from rants about zootopia to very serious writing updates/polls asking for your input. (also photos of my 5 wiener dogs, i bet that'll reel u in)
> 
> tumblr - melancholymango.tumblr.com  
> this is where i post ten thousand photos of klance and answer the questions u guys ask me about my writing
> 
> wattpad - https://www.wattpad.com/user/MelancholyMango  
> this is where i post my real-person fanfiction! i've written troyler way back when, but right now I'm mostly just posting phan. (i may also eventually post original fiction here, but right now my ass belongs to youtubers)


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